"The Sauce King"

I have been eating now for most of my life, and I have become quite fond of food.  If you have to eat, I think you might as well eat the best foods and the best tasting sauces you can get.  As you may have heard by now, Jill is an excellent cook.  I like to help her in the kitchen whenever she’ll let me.  She usually lets me stir, and over the years I have learned to be a stirrer extraordinaire!  

I have been watching Jill cook and I’ve tried to pay attention to the foods and flavors she uses for quite a while now.  I have become an excellent taster and as a result, I am ‘required’ to sample just about everything she makes.  I give my thoughts and opinions and I like to add my two cents worth about what I think would add to the flavor, or be a twist on an old favorite, and to my surprise, sometimes she even agrees with me.  We always have fun in the kitchen, and we always end up with a great meal. 

Jill has always made the ‘sauces’ around here, but she’s always pretty busy doing the cooking and everything else.  So one day I said to her, “Hey Jill, you’re kinda busy.  Why don’t you let me make the sauce today?”  To my amazement, she said “O.K.”  And with a little guidance from Jill, I made the ‘sauce’ that day, and it turned out pretty good.

That was a couple of years ago, and since then I’ve been experimenting and trying to make some of the sauces that I like best.  I’ve tried a lot of different flavors and spices and such, and I’ve ended up with some really good sauces.  We have taste tests with our family and some of our friends from time to time, and they seem to like my sauces best of all.  I’ve got a few sauces that would even make an old shoe taste good!  And there you have it, “Sauce King Flavors” are as good as it gets here at The Compound!

Over the past couple of years, I’ve developed a variety of excellent sauces.  From Gary's Smokey Barbeque Sauce and Gary's Black Label Barbeque Sauce, to Chili Garlic Aioli and Chili Garlic Ketchup to Ancient Chinese Secret Sauce, as well as some others, and I’m working on a few new ones too.  Now, believe it or not, Jill doesn’t want to make the sauces any more.  She says she’s too busy in the kitchen doing all the cooking and stuff.  So, I guess that makes me “The Sauce King” around here.

Oh, by the way, that’s our granite kitchen counter top, and somebody; not sayin’ who… (L, our daughter who just happened to be visiting from the Dallas area),  was trying to be funny and had her way with “Gary’s Smokey Barbeque Sauce” squirt bottle.  I guess that was her way of saying she really liked it!

When you’re eating at our home, we really don’t care if you finish your meal…
...Just, DON’T WASTE THE SAUCE!!

New Technology....Debuts At The Compound!

Say Goodbye, Farewell, Vaya con Dios, So Long, See ‘Ya Later, Sayonara, Au revoir, Ciao, Adios… to yesteryear and the bygone era of smoke signals, carrier pigeons and the pony express.  Gone too, are the telegraph and the old standard, Morse Code.  I’m sure nothing will ever be able to match the charm, mystique and excitement of receiving an important telegram from Western Union.  But we’ve heard rumors that the winds of change are in the air and change is coming fast.  I’m not sure, but I’ve even heard the world is getting smaller.

Making changes comes slowly and is always a concern to us here at The Compound. And when it comes to technology, well…we just can’t be too careful.  We don’t like things coming at us too fast.  We like to take things nice and slow, steady as she goes… is the old saying, I believe. You remember the Tortoise and the Hare, don’t you?   Well, enough said. I think I’ve made my point.

We haven’t wanted to make any snap judgments, or rash, impulsive or impetuous decisions when it comes to technology .  With technology changing so fast, we are determined to upgrade to the kind of technology that will improve service and our communications abilities for the long haul. We need to consider all of the options available in today’s ever changing world.  As a matter of fact, we rely heavily on the technical advice we get from The Slowski’s.
 

Highly Recommended by The Slowski's

We have finally decided, and we feel it is the appropriate time to make a few changes and implement some new technology here at The Compound.  We have selected technology that has been tried and true. Something that is truly reliable and dependable. It’s time to move forward and embrace the future.  We just can’t keep living in the past. With this in mind, we have determined to get our very first mobile device.

Our research shows that this new technology should help us to keep up with the times, or maybe, for once, even be ahead of the times.  This technology should open up new worlds of opportunity for us here at The Compound.  This will allow us to  transform our systems and offer an 18/6 kind of operation. We just can't go 24/7; we need our sleep, too!

We are pleased to debut our newest technology, a mobile device for making mobile telephone calls.  Yes, mobile telephone calls!  We are told that this new technology is cutting edge, and features the latest innovations in mobile communications, along with its new sleek and slim design. 

No more will we be tied down to that old telephone.  We will, however, be hanging on to our rotary dial phone from Bell System, just in case this mobile phone thing doesn’t pan out.   What if it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be?  That wouldn’t good!  But we’ll give it a try and hope for the best. 

Yea, It's a Minolta 110!

In addition, I think we’ll take a chance and add  a new camera to our new list of tech gadgetry as well.  We will be able to take an actual photo of our guests and have pictures ready in about 48 hours.  That will be really convenient, too!

I think I’ll probably need to move the typewriter over a little to make room for our new mobile communication device and the charger.  It’s really going to help.  It’s going to be nice around here.  Change IS certainly in the air!

FINALLY....Out Of The Closet!

Mornings at The Compound usually start off the same way every day.  I get up early, come downstairs and start the coffee brewing.  I  watch the morning news program, and get on my ewebnet machine to keep up with the latest national and world news.  Jill normally comes downstairs a short time later, and joins me for a morning cup of java juice. 

Lately, I’ve noticed that Jill is coming downstairs in the mornings a little bit  later than normal.  I’m pretty sure that she’s up, but things are kind of quiet up there, and when she does come down, I ask, "What have you been doing up there?"  "Oh wow, I must have overslept", she replies.  She pours herself a cup, the morning continues, and I don’t think much more about it.

This strange behavior, while not occurring every morning, has been happening more and more lately, and I think its been going on for a couple of months or better, maybe even longer.  I’ve become more and more concerned about her lately.

Oftentimes, in the afternoon or early evening, she will just vanish for long periods of time.  When she returns,  I’ll ask about her whereabouts; "Where were you?", "What have you been doing?"  She replies, “I haven’t been anywhere, I haven’t been doing anything”, and the subject gets changed, and the evening moves on again without much more thought…

"The Ironing Kit"

Then, one evening, after dinner, she mysteriously disappeared again.  When I realized she was gone, I called out for her, but there was no answer.  I began to look around the house for her.  After looking in all the usual places; the office, the library, the theater, the exercise room, and the laundry room;  I finally found her, in of all places, the “Closet”.  To my surprise and amazement, I caught her in the act.  “What the heck are you doing?”, I demanded!    “I’ve tried to keep this a secret.  I’ve tried to keep this to myself, but you caught me.”  “You found me out,”   she exclaims.  “Yes, I admit it, I admit it!  I have a Secret Passion for ironing!  I love to iron!”  “I didn’t want to tell you, but now you know.  I’m happy that you know.  It has been hard for me to keep this to myself, because I love to iron, I really love to iron!  I can’t stop, I want to iron everything!  I like things to be clean and crisp and neat.  I like everything just so!” she said with a burst of excitement.  As it turns out, Jill has been in the closet ironing, all this time.  

“It’s O.K.  It’s going to be O.K.  We can get you some help”, I reassured Jill. “But first of all, let's get you out of that closet. You don‘t need to hide in there anymore.  You can start to iron out in the open from now on.  This is nothing to be ashamed of, and I don’t mean to sound condescending, but I’m proud of you!”

Wow, Just Look At All These Shirts...Sweet!

As I was talking with Jill, I started looking around in my closet a little bit closer.  I discovered a whole bunch of nicely ironed shirts that magically appeared on my side of the closet. Shirts I haven’t seen in years.  Some of the shirts I don’t even remember having.  She has been ironing nearly everything in sight; the linens, blankets, towels, the sheets, sweaters, coats, pants, all of her outfits and dresses too, even my Levis! 

And Oh, by the way… I’ll bet that I have the most bestest, most nicest, ironed socks and underwear of anyone I know!
Thanks, Jill....Sher do ‘preciate cha! .....You just keep on a ironin’!

"The Committee"

And the "Honorary Member" Is.....?

Officials at The Compound have announced that an Honorary Member will be appointed to The Committee sometime soon. Although this position is temporary, it is significant in that it will mark for the first time ever, that an outsider will be allowed inside the inner circle to view and participate in the secretive and arduous, but important decision making process.

Officials have not released the name of the new appointee, pending notification of next of kin. As you can imagine, this news will be quite a surprise and could be shocking to the family members. Officials say, “We want to take every precaution possible to protect the health and well being of his or her extended family and friends.”

When officials determine the appropriate and proper time to make this important and life changing announcement, plumes and puffs of white smoke will be released into the clear blue sky from the northwestern chimney stack on the main house for 30 minutes. The announcement will immediately follow and the new appointee’s name will be released to the public.

As you know, The Committee has the daunting task and overwhelming responsibility of planning and scheduling all of the events to be held at The Compound throughout the year; including major holidays, non traditional holidays, celebrations, birthday parties, gatherings, weddings and bar mitzvahs, and all of the spring, summer, autumn and winter sporting events and competitions, etc. The Committee must also inspect and ensure that the guest quarters and accommodations are maintained at the highest levels possible.

The Committee also has the task of planning and writing the menus for evening meals, Saturday Sammies and Sunday Brunches, along with all of the other events. The Committee also prepares the shopping lists for groceries and supplies, and the lists for outfitting the kitchen with all the necessities, as well as training and overseeing the talented staff.

(We are revealing some confidential information here, to give you a glimpse into this private process. We ask that you do not repeat any of this to anyone, at any time. Please, just keep this to yourself.)

This is the secretive part. The Committee normally meets on a weekly basis, usually behind closed doors, with Member A making the decisions. If Member A cannot make a decision, then Member B is consulted and a decision is confirmed. If Member A and Member B cannot reach a conclusive decision together, then and only then, will the new appointee, Member C, be asked to assist in this process by adding their thoughts and/or ideas. If Member A and Member B do not like what Member C has to contribute, then Member C will be removed and forced to stand outside in the snow for one hour. Member C will then have one more opportunity to agree with Member A.

While being appointed to The Committee is quite an honor to be sure, it is not without it’s risks and challenges, and is certainly not as easy as it may have appeared.

The snow treatment may seem harsh at first glance, but believe me, I know first hand that the result is very effective. (It even works with unruly children!) …just sayin’!

If you have any questions, or would like to apply for consideration as an "Honorary Member" of "The Committee", perhaps it would be wise, to first read "The Disclaimer".

Room Service...At The Compound?...BWAH?!

We were doing a little house cleaning over the past weekend. You know, cleaning out old stuff that’s been stored forever, to make room for the new stuff that now, needs to be stored forever. I was going through an old box of treasures and trinkets, and such, and I ran across a bell. Not just any bell, it was a cool bell, a really cool bell. It was all fancy and gold, with a lot of intricate detail, all around the base and on the top. It looked like, and must have been, a very special bell.

It’s the kind of bell that possibly was used at the Concierge Desk in a swanky, high class hotel, like The Ritz Carlton, The Plaza, or maybe The Beverly Wilshire. OR, maybe even the Trump Tower! Or maybe this bell once belonged to the British Monarchy and the Queen Mum rang the Royal Bell when she demanded a spot of Tea and Crumpets!, only later, to be stolen from the Palace by a disgruntled servant. Or perhaps, the bell mysteriously disappeared and was smuggled out of the country by a rogue band of masked marauders and sold on the “Black Market”, ..... years and years ago.

Or maybe this bell was used back in the day, (April 18, 1775 to be exact), by Paul Revere, himself. You know, I’ll ring once if by land, or twice if by sea! You get the idea, this has to be a very, very special bell.

Or maybe this cool, little old bell, simply sat on a customer service counter in a small dry cleaning store, and finally ended up in a second hand shop somewhere. It likely would’ve had a sign next to it that read, “Please Ring Bell For Service.” ….But, I can’t be sure.

Anyway, I told Jill, “Hey, I’ve got a great idea.” “We’re going to use this bell at The Compound. We could set up the card table and make our own Concierge Desk. Maybe we should offer Room Service. How would that be?”, I asked with eagerness and delight! Jill didn’t seem to be amused with my idea. (I think she probably has enough to do around here already, without running Drinks and Appetizers up to the guests at all hours of the day and night!)

“Or,” I continued, “We can use it in the kitchen, and when it’s time for Saturday Sammies or Sunday Brunch to be served, YOU can ring the bell yourself, and yell out, ORDER UP!, just like the short order cooks do at the local diner.” “Now that would be FUN, and impressive!”, she exclaimed! I think she’s a little more excited now, that she gets to ring “The Bell.” Not everybody gets to ring a really cool bell.

Well, I guess it goes without saying, ….Jill can still, and always will, be able ring My Bell!
…..Just sayin’!

THE DISCLAIMER, as Required By Law

Disclaimer: The story you are about to read may or may not be true, in part, or in it’s entirety. The story you are about to read may or may not have actually occurred. The city or town, state or province, country or planet referenced in this story may or may not exist.

Any similarity to actual people or persons, alive or otherwise, real or imagined, factual or fictitious; names, dates, times, places or events mentioned in this story may or may not be unintentional, and may or may not be purely coincidental. Any or all details of the story may or may not have been changed to protect the innocent, the guilty, and/or the unsuspecting group(s) or individual(s).

The story you are about to read, may or may not have actually been written at all, and it may or may not be that your mind is simply playing tricks on you, or it may or may not be a figment of your imagination. The writer/storyteller reserves the right to embellish, change, or edit this story, or any story at will, for any reason, with or without notice, and/or from time to time. And of course, any and all thoughts, words, sentences, paragraphs and stories written, or about to be written, are, and will remain the property of the writer/storyteller, and are protected by any and all of the applicable copyright laws of the Land.

Furthermore, this story (including any attachments, charts, photographs, sketches or renderings) may contain confidential information, privileged material (including material protected by the writer-reader or other applicable privilege), or constitute non-public information. Any use of this information by anyone, for any purpose, at any time, other than the intended recipient is or may be prohibited. If you have received this story in error, please reply immediately to the writer/storyteller and delete this information from your mind. The use, dissemination, distribution, or reproduction of this story by unintended recipients is not authorized and may be harmful, unlawful, unnatural, or just plain sick and unhealthy.

In addition; any and all medical directives, procedures, or information, contained in this story or any story, including ailments, symptoms, remedies, medications, prescriptions or drugs, may or may not be suitable or appropriate for people of all ages, races, nationalities, or gender. We do not endorse any specific products mentioned in any story, nor are we compensated for such use. Any and all foods, beverages, recipes, menus, discussed or referred to in this story or any story, may or may not be intended, nor suggested for regular home use and/or human consumption. We may or may not suggest, that you consult your physician before considering any lifestyle changes, or you may or may not have need to seek immediate medical attention.

IRS NOTICE. To ensure compliance with any, or all requirements imposed by the IRS, we inform you that, unless specifically indicated otherwise, any tax advice contained in this story, or any story (including any attachments, charts, or graphs) is not intended or written to be used, and cannot be used, in any way, shape, or form, for the purpose of (i) avoiding penalties under the IRS Code or (ii) promoting, marketing, or recommending to another party any tax-related matter addressed herein. …..Just sayin’.

Finally… Now that the legal mumbo jumbo is out of the way, I can tell my story.

The story you may or may not be about to read is a story about procrastination. ….. I’ll write about that story later.

I think instead, I’ll write a story about an individual with a powerful memory and an impressive ability to recall and remember things. A multi-tasker for sure. Someone that can focus and stay on target. Someone that can get in and get the job done. Someone that can get right to the point in a succinct sort of way, and possibly add a touch of humor as well. The story follows:

Oh S#*T, I forgot what I was going to write about….. Oh well, anyway…

Hey, I think I’ll go in the kitchen and see if there’s anything that needs to be stirred….I’m hungry and a little parched, too!

I Have To Reinvent Myself....AGAIN!

I’ve done lots of different things over the years. I’ve had a variety of jobs, most of them in the construction industry. I’ve done all kinds of construction, I’ve been a laborer, I’ve dug ditches and operated heavy equipment. I’ve been in the cabinet business. I’ve been a carpenter and I’ve built homes. I’ve even been a salesman before, a “SALESMAN.” Oh my gosh, what the, what the, what the heck was I thinking?

I’ve worked for others, but mostly I have been self-employed. I’ve had to switch gears from time to time, and do something else to earn a living. Some jobs, I’ve enjoyed more than others, and some with far more success than others. I’ve been through good times and managed to survive the tough times, and with a bad economy…. well, you end up reinventing yourself, whether you realize it or not. At least I haven’t had to hold a cardboard sign while standing on a busy street corner. Well, not yet anyway.

I’ve been writing stories and I’ve posted them on a blog for about two years now. I’ve written about thirty five stories or so, and have been feeling pretty good about some of the things I have written. Some of the stories were even kind of funny, I‘m told. It’s not like I do this writing thing full time, not even close. I still have to work and try to put a little food on the table, but every once in a while I’ll jot down a few thoughts and somehow I seem to end up with a story or two. I wouldn’t dare to call myself a "writer". That would be going way too far. Otherwise, anyone that has ever put pen to paper would be able to call them self a "writer". That’s crazy. I don’t like to call myself a blogger either, I think that sounds kind of disgusting and nasty. Let’s just say I’m a jotter downer. Some might even say I can spin a good yarn, so maybe I’m a yarn spinner. It doesn’t matter, I’ve been called worse, much worse.

The Jotter Downer

Then one fine Sunday morning, I was sitting at my little eweb machine, with my usual cup of coffee, minding my own business, jotting down a few thoughts about my next story for the blog. I was watching The Sunday Morning program, on a Sunday morning, (how’s that for a coincidence, kind of weird, huh?). Then without warning, one of the news correspondents did a segment about a guy that wrote stories. A writer, it turns out. He had written several books, humorous books, and had quite a loyal following of dedicated readers. This guy gets to go to book signings and sign his books. There were lots of people at the book store, standing in line for an autograph, and waiting for his next book. He gets invitations to speak at colleges and universities all across the country. He seems to be having a good time and he may even enjoy all the attention, but I think he’s getting paid for it. ......S#*T!

I’m not going to mention his name (David Sedaris) because I don’t want him to steal any of my thunder, but I think he is doing the same thing as me, but maybe more betterer.

Well, enough about that guy. Back to me now. It sounds like I’ve got to reinvent myself…. AGAIN!
Or is there room for both of us in this little old world of ours?

On second thought, wait just a minute. Move over Mr. Blister. Here I come and I’ve got a story to tell. So make room on the book shelf for me, or at least on the magazine rack by the potty!

So, I guess I’d better get busy and go sit in the corner and try to think of something funny to say.

New Year's Festivities at The Compound

Revelers celebrated late into the evening, or rather, should I say, into the wee hours of the early morning, ushering in the brand new year, the much awaited and anticipated year of, Two-O-Double-Toothpicks. (2011, for those of you that don’t know much about toothpicks). Skies were relatively clear, temperatures were brisk, but comfortable, as party goers enjoyed some of the outdoor activities throughout the night.

The Festivities began as planned, right at 6 PM. The party kicked off with Cocktails, and a variety of Asian themed Hors d‘Oeuvres, including Egg Drop Soup, Shrimp and Pork Meatballs with Asian Lime Dipping Sauce. Later in the evening, China Town Steamed and Roasted Duckling served on Soba Noodles, with Asian Rice and Cucumber Salad, with radish and green onion garnish, topped with the Sauce King’s Ancient Chinese Secret Sauce, was served for Dinner; along with a Fortune Cookie for Dessert.

Cocktails were available from the bar throughout the evening for all those that desired, but as usual, the big hit was the featured, “Beverage of The Day,” Bud Light! The party was full of fun, music and entertainment, all night long.

The Grand Finale came right at Midnight with the dropping of “The Ball” from high above the outdoor balcony railing, followed by a distant Fireworks Display, a whole lot a Whoopin’ and a Hollerin’, and the always popular clanging of the kitchen pots and pans. Some of the guests were so excited, they actually were seen jumping up and down. Also, right at Midnight, there was of course, lots of smoochin’ going on!

The New Year’s Day celebrations continued on Saturday, all day long. The day started off with a cup of fresh hot coffee, a few ginger cookies that, surprisingly, were left over from Santa’s cookie plate. At 9:30 AM, all the remaining guests watched The Rose Parade, (must-see TV on New Years Day), while enjoying fancy Treat-Treats served from the bar.

Saturday Sammies were served shortly after the Parade concluded.

Happy New Year to All!